GLOBAL POPULATION: 80 bajillion
TERRITORY: My back yard and pretty much everywhere else, too.
NOTES: Don't get me wrong, I love squirrels. I used to know a guy who trapped them in his yard, stuffed them in a sack, tied the sack to his car exhaust, and then gassed them with carbon monoxide. How he justified such an atrocity, I will never be able to comprehend, but I'm pretty sure there's a special place in the next life for people who hurt little animals. Squirrels are adorable and entertaining. They get into my bird feeder, make a huge, wasteful mess, and I don't mind. I just fill it back up, making sure there are plenty of sunflower seeds because they like those, and then watch them dangle from the branches above to get at it again. They dig up my flower beds all year, alternately hiding and retrieving acorns. They live in the roof of my back porch, raising their litters in the false ceiling (usually two per year), scampering around all hours and raising cane. Their ingress is right above my kitchen window, and I can see the tiny babies poking their heads out on their first visit to the big world. I talk to them and they look down on me with wonder. It's probably not the best of places for me to let them stay; Heaven knows what kind of mess they're making or what wiring is up there which they might be gnawing on. But it gets so cold in the winter and I just don't have the heart to block them out.
But I'll tell you this: IF I CATCH THE LITTLE SON-OF-A-GUN WHO HAS BEEN EATING MY IRIS BUDS, JUST AS THEY ARE SWELLING AND ABOUT TO BURST INTO BLOOM, I'M GOING TO BOP HIM ON THE HEAD!!!
